2008Nov15 at 1146 (Personal Life, Thinkables)
Tags: absolute, anticipation, come, confession, confidence, death, endurance, eternal, faith, glory, God, heart, honor, knowledge, lasting, life, promise, restlessness, savior, search, trust, truth, value, will of God
All my young life I’ve been searching for something. Consistently unsatisfied with the things I approach; with the direction they are going–they never last; they never have absolute value; they never have true honor; they never have lasting glory; they always die.
I want to be in something eternal, but I don’t trust it. So I hold on… to save myself.
“Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise:
‘For yet a little while,
And he who is coming will come and not tarry.
Now the just shall live by faith;
But if anyone draws back,
My soul has no pleasure in him.’ ” -to the Hebrews
The cure of this restless heart lies in the confidence of it’s confession.
Do I trust this God? I do not understand Him, how can I endure His will?
Do I believe the words of His son? Do I know Him?
I must.
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2008Nov15 at 1116 (Personal Life, Thinkables)
Tags: faith, gentleness, God, godliness, love, patience, Paul of Tarsus, pursuit, renewal, revive, righteousness, spirit, strength
“Pursue…”
That one word can revive a man’s soul and renew his strength.
“But you, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness.” -Paul of Tarsus
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2008Nov11 at 1151 (Poetry, Thinkables)
Tags: afraid, anger, comfort, deception, desire, irony, laugh, mourning, pain, response, smile, transient
Oh how deceptive we are–even to ourselves–
I smile when I’m afraid and laugh when I’m in pain;
Yet mourning comes when the transient things do not comfort
And anger flows in streams down my face when I do not obtain what I desire.
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2008Nov6 at 1104 (Personal Life, Poetry)
Tags: breath, commands, heart, spirit, wisdom
His breathing is held calm by the force of his will.
His heart pumps, slow and powerful, awaiting it’s release.
His spirit rattles ferociously, the bars which hold it in;
Revealing itself momentarily in the flicker of an eye and an unsteady hand.
Turbulence boils all that lies within, while the outward appearance shows a placid contemplation.
“Be still.” He commands his soul.
It shakes him to the bone, certain that he does not possess the wisdom to dictate such words.
He is helplessly aware of this as well;
Nevertheless, he continues on.
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2008Nov6 at 1151 (Personal Life, Poetry)
Tags: evil, hunt, king, lost, names, numbness, panic, shame, temptation
His mind thrashes, knowing that temptation has drawn him away.
Returning home, he grows fierce because he does not know the way.
Truth fogs over as darkness approaches.
Panic and shame begin their hunt;
To catch him, and king him with a crown of glowing coals.
Dusk brings a chill, and the man grows numb,
Nevertheless, he walks on; vaguely aware of the evil that pursues him–He only knows their names.
…
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2008Nov3 at 1116 (Personal Life, Thinkables)
Tags: ambition, prayer, presence, reflection, renewal, rest
“For all who are weary of their ambitions, may this be a place of rest, reflection and renewal.”
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2008Nov3 at 1158 (Personal Life, Poetry)
Tags: anxiety, curses, desire, despise, eyes, God, grace, knowledge, love, lovingkindness, mercy, oppression, pain, piety, praise, reflection, reverence, shame, speak, truth, violence
My God is abundant in loving kindness and tender mercies.
I look on those I desire influence over,
Those I called ‘my loved,’
With a critical spirit.
I am shown their pain
To my eyes their oppressions are revealed
And I desire to make known their foolish ways
To return what I see to their own eyes
That they might be shamed in the terror of it all
That they might see their ways and change them
I take their words, I observe their actions
And I return with my own as their accuser and judge
And it never worked.
They reacted as a cornered animal,
Lashing violently at me in desperation, in defense
Instinctively protecting the wound which my piety so maliciously inflicted
Then they came to one of two things:
They despised me above all;
Or revered me as something greater than men.
And what an oppression this is
To receive my own lack of mercy in the terrible curses of one;
And to simultaneously endure the incessant praises – to my worthy-less glory – of another
“O Lord!” I cried “What can be done?
Come Lord, what shall I say?
Visit me Lord, what shall I do?
Your presence reveals all truth,
Please come to this place Father!
And He did.
And His overwhelming presence silenced my heart.
When all was made still,
He spoke in a whisper,
“I am the revealer of mysteries,
I alone change the hearts of men.”
So. I spoke to my King about their pain,
I told Him of their oppression.
And to my heart, it’s foolish ways are made known
What the Lord sees, returns to my eyes
But in His love, I am not put to shame
And I am not anxious to change my heart
For He takes my words, and observes my actions
And replaces them with His truth, full of love and grace
My God is abundant in loving kindness and tender mercies.
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2008Nov3 at 1136 (Poetry)
Tags: body, cry, eyes, forgive, God, heal, heart, love, panic, redeem, rest, spirit, white clothing
Come back to me, my God, my King,
Come back to me, don’t you see, don’t you see?
My fingers slip from their apathetic pose
Slowly at first my body falls away
But I stay
And I don’t care
I don’t care where my body went.
I’m glowing
Bright at first, then it fades
Stretching out in all directions
Mixing with the air around.
Panic approaches
But I stay
And I cry
The concept of strength left with my spirit
I cannot conceive it
But I know it’s missing
I cry, with tears…
With tears of my heart. Oh yes, I fell it now!
It shivered
It trembled
My God approaches, my God approaches!
Panic trembles with my heart,
That foreign fear,
That accusing shame.
I cry out
My God hears, he runs
He runs to me
I am terrified, but hopeful
To whom am I more closely associated?
It doesn’t matter
I see his eyes now
He is coming for me
To forgive all
To heal all
To redeem my life from destruction
To lavish me with tender love,
He is my relation,
I am His
Panic leaps and yelps
My Father crushes him with the flare of His eyes
Then they gaze on me
He sees everything
“There is nothing left, how can you see so much?”
“Here is everything.” He says
I am in His arms
At rest.
Calm.
Quiet.
Content.
After eternity, I open my eyes
I am clothed in white.
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2008Nov3 at 1113 (Thinkables)
Tags: beauty, connection, experience, eyes, God, knowledge, library, love, mystery, smile
As I was walking out of the Library yesterday, a young man and woman passed by me on their way in. The smiles on their faces were broad and genuine with the slightest smirk revealing something that only they knew. In the moment I saw them their eyes never met, it was simpler than that, but their smiles were identical and connected them beyond words. Those two souls had knowledge of something; something they had experienced with one another, that may forever be a mystery to all creation, save God.
We have been wrought with such beauty and depth.
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