Life to Start…

Anger rushes through my body
The Fire bursts out from within
Shooting from my bloodshot eyes
Violently escaping from my screaming mouth
I want to burn the whole of Africa
And boil the seas between us
That the water might touch you
And sting you with its heat
That you might remember:
I am here!
On this Earth.
Do not forsake me!

But the only thing that escapes my mouth
Is the acid in my stomach
As the home-cooked Chinese food
And the two cups of sugar and milk with coffee
Attempt to reckon with my empty bowels.
And my eyes stare at the computer screen
Hours into the night;
Waiting at the wrong time,
Wanting in the wrong place.

Neither of us are perfect,
Nor adequate to give.

I feel as if I’m waiting for life to start.

Jessica Jane, I love you.

And as I read your words
I feel the expansion in my chest
As my heart attempts to jump out,
To land in your hands
Where it has found peace.

…sigh…

I can’t promise that I’ll always be with you,
Though I will never plan to do so myself.
I can’t promise you anything forever,
Though I’ll not let this day end until we’ve found peace.
I can’t promise you my heart, eternally in your hands,
Though there are no other hands in which it will be.
I can’t promise that I will always remember dates and times,
Though I’ll never forget to be sensitive to our relationship.

You have my heart.
It was given to you.
Resting in both of your hands
is where it has found peace.
You are my Elven Queen.

There will be no other place;
no other place in the world that I could go,
and find the pleasure of our love
without you.
You are my Beloved.

Your hands have been chosen for me
and mine for you;
through tensions and sensitivity
we will always grow.
You are my closest friend.

Please remember me, love.
It’s not as if I have left you
to live somewhere else.
I am here,
apart from you
but I am not “living it up”.

My heart is always longing for you.
I look for you in other people
but they shy away
because my words are too personal.
I look for you in other people
but they say stupid things
because they don’t know me.

Only you;
you,
as a person
(not as a place or an idea or a concept
or anything else),
are the only one that will ever be my home.
That is what I promise you.

Sleep in peace, my dear
Your Ranger,
Kenneth