2009Dec5 at 1249 (Conversations in my Head, Heart's Land, Personal Life, Poetry, Thinkables)
Tags: artistic, concrete, connection, crash, criteria, drawn, experience, frames, image, imagination, imagine, light, memo, object, return to dust, schema, sight, sign, simple, situation, specific, story, truth, unique, view
Drop the frames
Remove the schema
Let them crash
And return to dust
Take each experience
Let it be as it is
Connect to it uniquely
However that is for you
Sign the memo
With something specific
With something artistic
True to your view, and the situation
Draw an image for yourself
Imagine a simple thing
That from its concreteness
The full story can be drawn
Put that object away
In a specific place
With similar criteria
Put it somewhere well-lit
So that you can see your imagination in detail.
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2009Oct10 at 1020 (Personal Life, Poetry)
Tags: beyond, branch, closure, connection, dead, existance, fullness, healing, hear, heavy, humility, life, limp, relationship, remaining, remember, resolution, sadness, severed, sight, source, strength, time, tree of life, understanding, unfinished, weight, world
There are unfinished things
That must go beyond this world
Like relationships without closure, without resolution
Like a dead branch
Severed by a crack
Hanging limp from the tree of life
Not falling, not leaving
Because its source of life still exists in the world
But there is no longer a connection
And there was no healing, no understanding, no humility
Until it was too late
Occasionally now,
The creaking of its dead fibers
Reach my ears and draw my eyes to the memories of its fullness and strength
But its weight still hangs
Heavy and limp with sadness
Reminding me then,
There are unfinished things
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2009Sep1 at 0937 (Personal Life, Poetry, To My Love)
Tags: acid, adequate, Africa, anger, bloodshot, body, boil, burning, Chinese, coffee, computer, earth, empty, escape, eyes, feelings, fire, forsake, give, heat, life, milk, mouth, night, perfect, remember, scream, sea, stare, start, sting, stomach, sugar, touch, violence, waiting, wanting, water, wrong place, wrong time
Anger rushes through my body
The Fire bursts out from within
Shooting from my bloodshot eyes
Violently escaping from my screaming mouth
I want to burn the whole of Africa
And boil the seas between us
That the water might touch you
And sting you with its heat
That you might remember:
I am here!
On this Earth.
Do not forsake me!
But the only thing that escapes my mouth
Is the acid in my stomach
As the home-cooked Chinese food
And the two cups of sugar and milk with coffee
Attempt to reckon with my empty bowels.
And my eyes stare at the computer screen
Hours into the night;
Waiting at the wrong time,
Wanting in the wrong place.
Neither of us are perfect,
Nor adequate to give.
I feel as if I’m waiting for life to start.
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2009Aug11 at 0848 (Personal Life, Poetry, To My Love)
Tags: beloved, chest, closest friend, concept, Elven Queen, eternal, expansion, find, gift, growth, hands, heart, I will never..., idea, jump, knowledge, leave, live, longing, love, peace, personal, places, plan, pleasure, promise, promises, Ranger, relationship, remember, rest, seek, sensitive, shy away, sigh, sleep, stupid, tension, today, with you, without you, words
And as I read your words
I feel the expansion in my chest
As my heart attempts to jump out,
To land in your hands
Where it has found peace.
…sigh…
I can’t promise that I’ll always be with you,
Though I will never plan to do so myself.
I can’t promise you anything forever,
Though I’ll not let this day end until we’ve found peace.
I can’t promise you my heart, eternally in your hands,
Though there are no other hands in which it will be.
I can’t promise that I will always remember dates and times,
Though I’ll never forget to be sensitive to our relationship.
You have my heart.
It was given to you.
Resting in both of your hands
is where it has found peace.
You are my Elven Queen.
There will be no other place;
no other place in the world that I could go,
and find the pleasure of our love
without you.
You are my Beloved.
Your hands have been chosen for me
and mine for you;
through tensions and sensitivity
we will always grow.
You are my closest friend.
Please remember me, love.
It’s not as if I have left you
to live somewhere else.
I am here,
apart from you
but I am not “living it up”.
My heart is always longing for you.
I look for you in other people
but they shy away
because my words are too personal.
I look for you in other people
but they say stupid things
because they don’t know me.
Only you;
you,
as a person
(not as a place or an idea or a concept
or anything else),
are the only one that will ever be my home.
That is what I promise you.
Sleep in peace, my dear
Your Ranger,
Kenneth
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2009Aug3 at 0813 (Heart Thoughts, Personal Life, Poetry)
Tags: ambition, broken, crush, dead, desire, dim, flame, hate, heart, Jon Foreman, light, longing, love, mission, pure, remember, wisdom
I’m sitting on my bed
Jon Foreman echoing in my head
Music releases my emotions
And feelings of longing raise me from the dead
My chest splits down the middle, a door is opened
From the whole on its left, the heart there is broken
Its light is dim because it’s far from him
Who loves it as much as his own
That “him” is I
And I think I know that guy–
Who can let ambition run his entire mission
And use others to fuel his desire.
But let the flames grow higher
On all that I aspire
If it lets the heart of my love grow dim.
I will hate it and crush it and have no more of it
And remember our hearts instead
And learn of her feelings and all of their dealings
And seek what she’s thought and all that it’s brought
And keep her heart strong, in my chest, where it belongs.
Oh God, let ambitions be dead.
Oh God, give us pure wisdom instead.
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2009Mar22 at 0332 (Personal Life, Poetry)
Tags: draining, end, expand, eyes, flame, hate, light, lust, relate, vortex
Draining, draining,
Entertaining?
Suck my life down in a flaming
Vortex
Of lust and hate
I don’t reach others
Because I can’t relate
Expand
Your eyes again
View the light
And press on to the end.
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2009Mar22 at 0301 (Community, Gatherings, Personal Life, Poetry, Thinkables)
Tags: ambition, anger, arms, belief, belligerent, best, care, change, conclusion, confidence, darkness, death, expectations, force, forget, God, growth, heart, help, influence, jealousy, judgment, knowledge, language, leadership, love, meanings, peace, power, pretend, relate, seek, separation, should, silence, submission, talk, Teacher, terrified, The Cause, together, truth, understanding, walk, want, why?, words, world
I get angry when I’m not a part of making the conclusion,
When its given to me
Pasted on
And expected that I will comply
But why?
Do I know them?
Do I care?
I just look at them and stare
Good for you
What you say is true
But don’t flounder it like its your cause
Don’t force me join you
When you don’t know me
When you forget my name
When you…
Why am I so angry?
Why am I so belligerent?
They push beyond what’s given them
To a world beyond
To a world that doesn’t understand them
To a world that speaks another tongue
And I understand them
But I choose not to submit
Who am I to judge what God has given?
Who am I to draw the lines?
They pretend power
They just want to help.
Who am I to believe I know?
Who am I to judge?
So go along with the flow
It’s good, it’s good
You really, truly should
We all want the best
The best for all
So we spread our influence
Our knowledge of what is best for all.
None of us can lead.
Except to death and darkness below
Unless we walk together
Side by side
Each one’s influence ends at the reach of their arms
And only the truth can take it further (through the arms of another, and another, and another)
Live in peace
Destroy ambitions and jealousies,
Seek truth with those around you
Relate to truth through the voices of your neighbors and friends
Move slowly and only in confidence and peace
Understand the meanings of silence
The words of the heart–the words that our own attempt to relate–
I speak these to myself
I can’t press on anyone else
God teach us to walk, to talk and to love in both
I am so terrified of the world around me
How can they care when they do not know
The good hearts that believe they know
That seek to influence, to change, to grow
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2009Feb24 at 0230 (Community, Conversations in my Head, Gatherings, Heart Thoughts, Personal Life, Poetry, Thinkables)
Tags: arms, battles, bind, blind, blood, called, ceiling, chaos, claim, clean, command, damp, darkness, desire, die, dirty, distinguish, domination, doom, dry, evil, face, feelings, fighting, flatter, flesh, floor, food, free, freedom, gavel, God, hands, hear, heart, hell, hold, honest, humiliation, ignorance, judgment, kitchen, lies, lives, Lord?, man, master, matter, name, one another, others, pan, passion, past, peace, pitiful, plea, please, pleasure, point, pot, pressure, pride, prize, race, reach, refuse, relate, relationship, rest, return, save, sea, shame, sight, sky, sounds, speak, sweat, terrified, thought, throat, truth, understanding, validate, wait, walls, waste, weight, what?, where?, why?, willingness, win, words, yell
Chaos swirling rapidly around
So many lives, so many sounds
The kitchen’s dirty, dark and damp
The master’s calling for food
But I can’t see.
I could.
I used to distinguish from pot and pan;
The dirty and clean;
The ceiling and floor.
But not any more.
Now I feel,
I feel for real.
I see there are so many lies.
Now I see,
I see the sea.
And my hands reach up for the skies.
Freedom, freedom calls my name
The truth will set you free.
Bind the evil,
Kick it out!
And then please hear my plea
And then please speak with me.
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
Peace, peace, peace, be still
The words come from a dry, croaking throat
Evil has won
But your saving us, son
Live in hell so that we may die
In our pitiful, passionate pleasures
I’m fighting, yes! But what for?!
I’m living, yes! But what for?!
But what for?! But. What. For?!
And why?
…It doesn’t matter now, it seems
The passing has already come
I’m truly flattered now, it seems
…no!
I refuse.
I will not hold up your face any more
I will not validate your lies.
You are just a man like me…
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
I have been humiliated
Entirely so
And yes, I feel it too,
The pressure to race, to win, to hold
From others as well as my own.
But when: to rest, to wait, to hold
One another instead of a prize,
In honest, willing thoughtfulness
Not dominant, prurient pride.
Where is the peace, my Lord?
Where is the desire to understand?
Where is the ignorance slight,
And thoughtfulness true?
Where are the battles finally won?
In your arms I’ll rest, my Lord
But to return to the darkness?
Truly Lord, what lies in the wastes?
The flesh and blood, claimed by One
Who dooms to ignorant fate.
And the hearts of some, claimed by One
Who choose to wait and relate.
Still, the darkness weighs heavily
The master’s voice yells again
But only so long as to give commands
And next the judge comes in.
The master points,
I feel ashamed
Then terrified as the gavel is raised
Over his head,
It weighs so much
He sweats but his eyes are blind
Then he lets it fall onto my chest
And my doomed life spatters
Over them and the walls
And finally, I am at rest.
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