2009Sep1 at 0937 (Personal Life, Poetry, To My Love)
Tags: acid, adequate, Africa, anger, bloodshot, body, boil, burning, Chinese, coffee, computer, earth, empty, escape, eyes, feelings, fire, forsake, give, heat, life, milk, mouth, night, perfect, remember, scream, sea, stare, start, sting, stomach, sugar, touch, violence, waiting, wanting, water, wrong place, wrong time
Anger rushes through my body
The Fire bursts out from within
Shooting from my bloodshot eyes
Violently escaping from my screaming mouth
I want to burn the whole of Africa
And boil the seas between us
That the water might touch you
And sting you with its heat
That you might remember:
I am here!
On this Earth.
Do not forsake me!
But the only thing that escapes my mouth
Is the acid in my stomach
As the home-cooked Chinese food
And the two cups of sugar and milk with coffee
Attempt to reckon with my empty bowels.
And my eyes stare at the computer screen
Hours into the night;
Waiting at the wrong time,
Wanting in the wrong place.
Neither of us are perfect,
Nor adequate to give.
I feel as if I’m waiting for life to start.
Leave a Comment
2009Mar22 at 0332 (Personal Life, Poetry)
Tags: draining, end, expand, eyes, flame, hate, light, lust, relate, vortex
Draining, draining,
Entertaining?
Suck my life down in a flaming
Vortex
Of lust and hate
I don’t reach others
Because I can’t relate
Expand
Your eyes again
View the light
And press on to the end.
Leave a Comment
2009Jan5 at 0139 (Heart Thoughts, Personal Life, Poetry)
Tags: calm, child, desire, desperate, dramatic, eyes, fear, fright, heart, love, quiet, search, tender, thirst, unsatisfied, weaned
A child beats the breast of the one who bore him
Desperate for more; unsatisfied; thirsty; fearful that there will not be enough; that he has not enough.
Searching, searching, frightfully, dramatically, pushing all others away,
In isolation, searching, clenching, squeezing for more.
Unaware of the tender presence,
Unconscious to the loving eyes.
“O Lord, my heart is not haughty,
Nor my eyes lofty.
Neither do I concern myself with great matters,
Nor with things too profound for me.
Surely, I have calmed and quieted my soul.
Like a weaned child with his mother;
Like a weaned child is my soul within me.”
Leave a Comment
2008Dec2 at 1237 (Heart Thoughts)
Tags: birth, darkness, emptiness, eyes, fulfillment, have, heart, honest, joy, love, power, pure, sacrifice, thought, truth, want, words
The breed of thought that continues to reappear
Begins with the expression “I want”
It feels dark
And is spoken with downcast eyes,
Unless there is an audience–then there is great show and gusto applied
But my heart is still dark
And those words are still empty.
Then a truth so obvious and pure and raw is spoken
And it begins with the expression “I have”.
It is as powerful and fulfilling as it is honest and true.
And expressed with open, willing sacrifice; joy may give birth in the heart of love.
Leave a Comment
2008Nov3 at 1158 (Personal Life, Poetry)
Tags: anxiety, curses, desire, despise, eyes, God, grace, knowledge, love, lovingkindness, mercy, oppression, pain, piety, praise, reflection, reverence, shame, speak, truth, violence
My God is abundant in loving kindness and tender mercies.
I look on those I desire influence over,
Those I called ‘my loved,’
With a critical spirit.
I am shown their pain
To my eyes their oppressions are revealed
And I desire to make known their foolish ways
To return what I see to their own eyes
That they might be shamed in the terror of it all
That they might see their ways and change them
I take their words, I observe their actions
And I return with my own as their accuser and judge
And it never worked.
They reacted as a cornered animal,
Lashing violently at me in desperation, in defense
Instinctively protecting the wound which my piety so maliciously inflicted
Then they came to one of two things:
They despised me above all;
Or revered me as something greater than men.
And what an oppression this is
To receive my own lack of mercy in the terrible curses of one;
And to simultaneously endure the incessant praises – to my worthy-less glory – of another
“O Lord!” I cried “What can be done?
Come Lord, what shall I say?
Visit me Lord, what shall I do?
Your presence reveals all truth,
Please come to this place Father!
And He did.
And His overwhelming presence silenced my heart.
When all was made still,
He spoke in a whisper,
“I am the revealer of mysteries,
I alone change the hearts of men.”
So. I spoke to my King about their pain,
I told Him of their oppression.
And to my heart, it’s foolish ways are made known
What the Lord sees, returns to my eyes
But in His love, I am not put to shame
And I am not anxious to change my heart
For He takes my words, and observes my actions
And replaces them with His truth, full of love and grace
My God is abundant in loving kindness and tender mercies.
Leave a Comment
2008Nov3 at 1136 (Poetry)
Tags: body, cry, eyes, forgive, God, heal, heart, love, panic, redeem, rest, spirit, white clothing
Come back to me, my God, my King,
Come back to me, don’t you see, don’t you see?
My fingers slip from their apathetic pose
Slowly at first my body falls away
But I stay
And I don’t care
I don’t care where my body went.
I’m glowing
Bright at first, then it fades
Stretching out in all directions
Mixing with the air around.
Panic approaches
But I stay
And I cry
The concept of strength left with my spirit
I cannot conceive it
But I know it’s missing
I cry, with tears…
With tears of my heart. Oh yes, I fell it now!
It shivered
It trembled
My God approaches, my God approaches!
Panic trembles with my heart,
That foreign fear,
That accusing shame.
I cry out
My God hears, he runs
He runs to me
I am terrified, but hopeful
To whom am I more closely associated?
It doesn’t matter
I see his eyes now
He is coming for me
To forgive all
To heal all
To redeem my life from destruction
To lavish me with tender love,
He is my relation,
I am His
Panic leaps and yelps
My Father crushes him with the flare of His eyes
Then they gaze on me
He sees everything
“There is nothing left, how can you see so much?”
“Here is everything.” He says
I am in His arms
At rest.
Calm.
Quiet.
Content.
After eternity, I open my eyes
I am clothed in white.
Leave a Comment
2008Nov3 at 1113 (Thinkables)
Tags: beauty, connection, experience, eyes, God, knowledge, library, love, mystery, smile
As I was walking out of the Library yesterday, a young man and woman passed by me on their way in. The smiles on their faces were broad and genuine with the slightest smirk revealing something that only they knew. In the moment I saw them their eyes never met, it was simpler than that, but their smiles were identical and connected them beyond words. Those two souls had knowledge of something; something they had experienced with one another, that may forever be a mystery to all creation, save God.
We have been wrought with such beauty and depth.
Leave a Comment
