2009Mar22 at 0301 (Community, Gatherings, Personal Life, Poetry, Thinkables)
Tags: ambition, anger, arms, belief, belligerent, best, care, change, conclusion, confidence, darkness, death, expectations, force, forget, God, growth, heart, help, influence, jealousy, judgment, knowledge, language, leadership, love, meanings, peace, power, pretend, relate, seek, separation, should, silence, submission, talk, Teacher, terrified, The Cause, together, truth, understanding, walk, want, why?, words, world
I get angry when I’m not a part of making the conclusion,
When its given to me
Pasted on
And expected that I will comply
But why?
Do I know them?
Do I care?
I just look at them and stare
Good for you
What you say is true
But don’t flounder it like its your cause
Don’t force me join you
When you don’t know me
When you forget my name
When you…
Why am I so angry?
Why am I so belligerent?
They push beyond what’s given them
To a world beyond
To a world that doesn’t understand them
To a world that speaks another tongue
And I understand them
But I choose not to submit
Who am I to judge what God has given?
Who am I to draw the lines?
They pretend power
They just want to help.
Who am I to believe I know?
Who am I to judge?
So go along with the flow
It’s good, it’s good
You really, truly should
We all want the best
The best for all
So we spread our influence
Our knowledge of what is best for all.
None of us can lead.
Except to death and darkness below
Unless we walk together
Side by side
Each one’s influence ends at the reach of their arms
And only the truth can take it further (through the arms of another, and another, and another)
Live in peace
Destroy ambitions and jealousies,
Seek truth with those around you
Relate to truth through the voices of your neighbors and friends
Move slowly and only in confidence and peace
Understand the meanings of silence
The words of the heart–the words that our own attempt to relate–
I speak these to myself
I can’t press on anyone else
God teach us to walk, to talk and to love in both
I am so terrified of the world around me
How can they care when they do not know
The good hearts that believe they know
That seek to influence, to change, to grow
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2009Feb24 at 0230 (Community, Conversations in my Head, Gatherings, Heart Thoughts, Personal Life, Poetry, Thinkables)
Tags: arms, battles, bind, blind, blood, called, ceiling, chaos, claim, clean, command, damp, darkness, desire, die, dirty, distinguish, domination, doom, dry, evil, face, feelings, fighting, flatter, flesh, floor, food, free, freedom, gavel, God, hands, hear, heart, hell, hold, honest, humiliation, ignorance, judgment, kitchen, lies, lives, Lord?, man, master, matter, name, one another, others, pan, passion, past, peace, pitiful, plea, please, pleasure, point, pot, pressure, pride, prize, race, reach, refuse, relate, relationship, rest, return, save, sea, shame, sight, sky, sounds, speak, sweat, terrified, thought, throat, truth, understanding, validate, wait, walls, waste, weight, what?, where?, why?, willingness, win, words, yell
Chaos swirling rapidly around
So many lives, so many sounds
The kitchen’s dirty, dark and damp
The master’s calling for food
But I can’t see.
I could.
I used to distinguish from pot and pan;
The dirty and clean;
The ceiling and floor.
But not any more.
Now I feel,
I feel for real.
I see there are so many lies.
Now I see,
I see the sea.
And my hands reach up for the skies.
Freedom, freedom calls my name
The truth will set you free.
Bind the evil,
Kick it out!
And then please hear my plea
And then please speak with me.
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
Peace, peace, peace, be still
The words come from a dry, croaking throat
Evil has won
But your saving us, son
Live in hell so that we may die
In our pitiful, passionate pleasures
I’m fighting, yes! But what for?!
I’m living, yes! But what for?!
But what for?! But. What. For?!
And why?
…It doesn’t matter now, it seems
The passing has already come
I’m truly flattered now, it seems
…no!
I refuse.
I will not hold up your face any more
I will not validate your lies.
You are just a man like me…
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
I have been humiliated
Entirely so
And yes, I feel it too,
The pressure to race, to win, to hold
From others as well as my own.
But when: to rest, to wait, to hold
One another instead of a prize,
In honest, willing thoughtfulness
Not dominant, prurient pride.
Where is the peace, my Lord?
Where is the desire to understand?
Where is the ignorance slight,
And thoughtfulness true?
Where are the battles finally won?
In your arms I’ll rest, my Lord
But to return to the darkness?
Truly Lord, what lies in the wastes?
The flesh and blood, claimed by One
Who dooms to ignorant fate.
And the hearts of some, claimed by One
Who choose to wait and relate.
Still, the darkness weighs heavily
The master’s voice yells again
But only so long as to give commands
And next the judge comes in.
The master points,
I feel ashamed
Then terrified as the gavel is raised
Over his head,
It weighs so much
He sweats but his eyes are blind
Then he lets it fall onto my chest
And my doomed life spatters
Over them and the walls
And finally, I am at rest.
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2009Feb13 at 0213 (Personal Life, Poetry)
Tags: awakening, bliss, conversation, darkness, dawn, eye, faces, flame, God, language, light, love, passion, peace, please, pleasure, presence, pressure, questions, relief, silence, singing, sky, sleep, spark, time, touch, truth, voices, when?, whisper
Conversation subsides
Voices turn to whispers
Then to silence, peaceful and in bliss.
And from the silence sparks a new language to whisper;
A gentle touch, the slightest pressure
And then all the world begins to move again.
The spark inflames,
The whispers breaks, to sing aloud in harmony
Relieving any memory of dissonance
For the time has turned peaceful to passion and bliss to pleasure.
However, in the midst of the passion and the pleasure,
A question arises:
Is love pleased to be stirred up and awoken?
Our faces turn to the sky
It is still dark,
Dawn has not yet come.
Love returns to sleep
And the whispers begin again,
Voices seek truth as conversation ensues
Wondering all the while:
When will the time come forth?
When will the light of His eye please love to awaken?
When will the dawn rise on our faces?
When?
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2009Jan5 at 0122 (Personal Life, Statements)
Tags: God, labor, need, receive, trust, will of God
Recieve what you’re given and trust the Lord for all that is needed–He will make the best of it.
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2008Dec15 at 1220 (Conversations in my Head, Statements)
Tags: come between, confession, consistency, create, foot, God, hand, hate, interferance, life, love, mouth, peace, rest, speak, spirit, sustain, tear away, together, touch, truth, walk, wisdom
You cannot tear my away from my Lord, nor can you come between us; and I will hate the spirit which attempts to do so, because I love my Lord and with perfect consistency he loves me! He is always my truth and shows himself to me. Wherever I am, he is always with me; to guide my foot, my hand, my mouth, and bring true life–which rests in peace–to every place that I walk, every person that I touch and every word that I speak according to his perfect wisdom. Do not interfere with the one to whom I confess my love; because you will not feel my hatred in return, but rather my Lord’s, who creates and sustains life in all things.
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2008Dec15 at 1206 (Conversations in my Head, Personal Life)
Tags: chaos, defense, discernment, evil, God, ignorance, judgment, knowledge, motives, patience, peace, questions, right, truth, wait on the Lord
If you truly desire to know the truth, then you will be patient with me as I wait on my God, for his knowledge and discernment–which is the right way–but if you have evil motives and have already judged my words, or if you do not care for truth and have chosen ignorance, leave me in peace (take your chaos elsewhere) and question me no further.
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2008Nov15 at 1146 (Personal Life, Thinkables)
Tags: absolute, anticipation, come, confession, confidence, death, endurance, eternal, faith, glory, God, heart, honor, knowledge, lasting, life, promise, restlessness, savior, search, trust, truth, value, will of God
All my young life I’ve been searching for something. Consistently unsatisfied with the things I approach; with the direction they are going–they never last; they never have absolute value; they never have true honor; they never have lasting glory; they always die.
I want to be in something eternal, but I don’t trust it. So I hold on… to save myself.
“Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise:
‘For yet a little while,
And he who is coming will come and not tarry.
Now the just shall live by faith;
But if anyone draws back,
My soul has no pleasure in him.’ ” -to the Hebrews
The cure of this restless heart lies in the confidence of it’s confession.
Do I trust this God? I do not understand Him, how can I endure His will?
Do I believe the words of His son? Do I know Him?
I must.
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2008Nov15 at 1116 (Personal Life, Thinkables)
Tags: faith, gentleness, God, godliness, love, patience, Paul of Tarsus, pursuit, renewal, revive, righteousness, spirit, strength
“Pursue…”
That one word can revive a man’s soul and renew his strength.
“But you, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness.” -Paul of Tarsus
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2008Nov3 at 1158 (Personal Life, Poetry)
Tags: anxiety, curses, desire, despise, eyes, God, grace, knowledge, love, lovingkindness, mercy, oppression, pain, piety, praise, reflection, reverence, shame, speak, truth, violence
My God is abundant in loving kindness and tender mercies.
I look on those I desire influence over,
Those I called ‘my loved,’
With a critical spirit.
I am shown their pain
To my eyes their oppressions are revealed
And I desire to make known their foolish ways
To return what I see to their own eyes
That they might be shamed in the terror of it all
That they might see their ways and change them
I take their words, I observe their actions
And I return with my own as their accuser and judge
And it never worked.
They reacted as a cornered animal,
Lashing violently at me in desperation, in defense
Instinctively protecting the wound which my piety so maliciously inflicted
Then they came to one of two things:
They despised me above all;
Or revered me as something greater than men.
And what an oppression this is
To receive my own lack of mercy in the terrible curses of one;
And to simultaneously endure the incessant praises – to my worthy-less glory – of another
“O Lord!” I cried “What can be done?
Come Lord, what shall I say?
Visit me Lord, what shall I do?
Your presence reveals all truth,
Please come to this place Father!
And He did.
And His overwhelming presence silenced my heart.
When all was made still,
He spoke in a whisper,
“I am the revealer of mysteries,
I alone change the hearts of men.”
So. I spoke to my King about their pain,
I told Him of their oppression.
And to my heart, it’s foolish ways are made known
What the Lord sees, returns to my eyes
But in His love, I am not put to shame
And I am not anxious to change my heart
For He takes my words, and observes my actions
And replaces them with His truth, full of love and grace
My God is abundant in loving kindness and tender mercies.
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2008Nov3 at 1136 (Poetry)
Tags: body, cry, eyes, forgive, God, heal, heart, love, panic, redeem, rest, spirit, white clothing
Come back to me, my God, my King,
Come back to me, don’t you see, don’t you see?
My fingers slip from their apathetic pose
Slowly at first my body falls away
But I stay
And I don’t care
I don’t care where my body went.
I’m glowing
Bright at first, then it fades
Stretching out in all directions
Mixing with the air around.
Panic approaches
But I stay
And I cry
The concept of strength left with my spirit
I cannot conceive it
But I know it’s missing
I cry, with tears…
With tears of my heart. Oh yes, I fell it now!
It shivered
It trembled
My God approaches, my God approaches!
Panic trembles with my heart,
That foreign fear,
That accusing shame.
I cry out
My God hears, he runs
He runs to me
I am terrified, but hopeful
To whom am I more closely associated?
It doesn’t matter
I see his eyes now
He is coming for me
To forgive all
To heal all
To redeem my life from destruction
To lavish me with tender love,
He is my relation,
I am His
Panic leaps and yelps
My Father crushes him with the flare of His eyes
Then they gaze on me
He sees everything
“There is nothing left, how can you see so much?”
“Here is everything.” He says
I am in His arms
At rest.
Calm.
Quiet.
Content.
After eternity, I open my eyes
I am clothed in white.
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