2009Aug11 at 0848 (Personal Life, Poetry, To My Love)
Tags: beloved, chest, closest friend, concept, Elven Queen, eternal, expansion, find, gift, growth, hands, heart, I will never..., idea, jump, knowledge, leave, live, longing, love, peace, personal, places, plan, pleasure, promise, promises, Ranger, relationship, remember, rest, seek, sensitive, shy away, sigh, sleep, stupid, tension, today, with you, without you, words
And as I read your words
I feel the expansion in my chest
As my heart attempts to jump out,
To land in your hands
Where it has found peace.
…sigh…
I can’t promise that I’ll always be with you,
Though I will never plan to do so myself.
I can’t promise you anything forever,
Though I’ll not let this day end until we’ve found peace.
I can’t promise you my heart, eternally in your hands,
Though there are no other hands in which it will be.
I can’t promise that I will always remember dates and times,
Though I’ll never forget to be sensitive to our relationship.
You have my heart.
It was given to you.
Resting in both of your hands
is where it has found peace.
You are my Elven Queen.
There will be no other place;
no other place in the world that I could go,
and find the pleasure of our love
without you.
You are my Beloved.
Your hands have been chosen for me
and mine for you;
through tensions and sensitivity
we will always grow.
You are my closest friend.
Please remember me, love.
It’s not as if I have left you
to live somewhere else.
I am here,
apart from you
but I am not “living it up”.
My heart is always longing for you.
I look for you in other people
but they shy away
because my words are too personal.
I look for you in other people
but they say stupid things
because they don’t know me.
Only you;
you,
as a person
(not as a place or an idea or a concept
or anything else),
are the only one that will ever be my home.
That is what I promise you.
Sleep in peace, my dear
Your Ranger,
Kenneth
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2009Feb24 at 0230 (Community, Conversations in my Head, Gatherings, Heart Thoughts, Personal Life, Poetry, Thinkables)
Tags: arms, battles, bind, blind, blood, called, ceiling, chaos, claim, clean, command, damp, darkness, desire, die, dirty, distinguish, domination, doom, dry, evil, face, feelings, fighting, flatter, flesh, floor, food, free, freedom, gavel, God, hands, hear, heart, hell, hold, honest, humiliation, ignorance, judgment, kitchen, lies, lives, Lord?, man, master, matter, name, one another, others, pan, passion, past, peace, pitiful, plea, please, pleasure, point, pot, pressure, pride, prize, race, reach, refuse, relate, relationship, rest, return, save, sea, shame, sight, sky, sounds, speak, sweat, terrified, thought, throat, truth, understanding, validate, wait, walls, waste, weight, what?, where?, why?, willingness, win, words, yell
Chaos swirling rapidly around
So many lives, so many sounds
The kitchen’s dirty, dark and damp
The master’s calling for food
But I can’t see.
I could.
I used to distinguish from pot and pan;
The dirty and clean;
The ceiling and floor.
But not any more.
Now I feel,
I feel for real.
I see there are so many lies.
Now I see,
I see the sea.
And my hands reach up for the skies.
Freedom, freedom calls my name
The truth will set you free.
Bind the evil,
Kick it out!
And then please hear my plea
And then please speak with me.
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
Peace, peace, peace, be still
The words come from a dry, croaking throat
Evil has won
But your saving us, son
Live in hell so that we may die
In our pitiful, passionate pleasures
I’m fighting, yes! But what for?!
I’m living, yes! But what for?!
But what for?! But. What. For?!
And why?
…It doesn’t matter now, it seems
The passing has already come
I’m truly flattered now, it seems
…no!
I refuse.
I will not hold up your face any more
I will not validate your lies.
You are just a man like me…
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
I have been humiliated
Entirely so
And yes, I feel it too,
The pressure to race, to win, to hold
From others as well as my own.
But when: to rest, to wait, to hold
One another instead of a prize,
In honest, willing thoughtfulness
Not dominant, prurient pride.
Where is the peace, my Lord?
Where is the desire to understand?
Where is the ignorance slight,
And thoughtfulness true?
Where are the battles finally won?
In your arms I’ll rest, my Lord
But to return to the darkness?
Truly Lord, what lies in the wastes?
The flesh and blood, claimed by One
Who dooms to ignorant fate.
And the hearts of some, claimed by One
Who choose to wait and relate.
Still, the darkness weighs heavily
The master’s voice yells again
But only so long as to give commands
And next the judge comes in.
The master points,
I feel ashamed
Then terrified as the gavel is raised
Over his head,
It weighs so much
He sweats but his eyes are blind
Then he lets it fall onto my chest
And my doomed life spatters
Over them and the walls
And finally, I am at rest.
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2009Jan14 at 0121 (Heart's Land, Personal Life)
Tags: arms, confidence, contemplation, daily, grace, heart, peace, pure, queen, relax, rest, sacred, security, surroundings, truth, understanding, willingness, wisdom
Contemplation. I seek to do it in a place without change, in a place held sacred; where I can leave my immediate surroundings and trust the security they have always offered; where I can relax completely, to dwell on the truth and come to an understanding in the abundance of peace.
Her arms are sacred, constant and strong. Her peaceful heart is true and pure. Her willing wisdom leads me to confidence in truth and grace. In her arms I will find rest and contemplate each day.
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2008Dec15 at 1220 (Conversations in my Head, Statements)
Tags: come between, confession, consistency, create, foot, God, hand, hate, interferance, life, love, mouth, peace, rest, speak, spirit, sustain, tear away, together, touch, truth, walk, wisdom
You cannot tear my away from my Lord, nor can you come between us; and I will hate the spirit which attempts to do so, because I love my Lord and with perfect consistency he loves me! He is always my truth and shows himself to me. Wherever I am, he is always with me; to guide my foot, my hand, my mouth, and bring true life–which rests in peace–to every place that I walk, every person that I touch and every word that I speak according to his perfect wisdom. Do not interfere with the one to whom I confess my love; because you will not feel my hatred in return, but rather my Lord’s, who creates and sustains life in all things.
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2008Nov3 at 1116 (Personal Life, Thinkables)
Tags: ambition, prayer, presence, reflection, renewal, rest
“For all who are weary of their ambitions, may this be a place of rest, reflection and renewal.”
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2008Nov3 at 1136 (Poetry)
Tags: body, cry, eyes, forgive, God, heal, heart, love, panic, redeem, rest, spirit, white clothing
Come back to me, my God, my King,
Come back to me, don’t you see, don’t you see?
My fingers slip from their apathetic pose
Slowly at first my body falls away
But I stay
And I don’t care
I don’t care where my body went.
I’m glowing
Bright at first, then it fades
Stretching out in all directions
Mixing with the air around.
Panic approaches
But I stay
And I cry
The concept of strength left with my spirit
I cannot conceive it
But I know it’s missing
I cry, with tears…
With tears of my heart. Oh yes, I fell it now!
It shivered
It trembled
My God approaches, my God approaches!
Panic trembles with my heart,
That foreign fear,
That accusing shame.
I cry out
My God hears, he runs
He runs to me
I am terrified, but hopeful
To whom am I more closely associated?
It doesn’t matter
I see his eyes now
He is coming for me
To forgive all
To heal all
To redeem my life from destruction
To lavish me with tender love,
He is my relation,
I am His
Panic leaps and yelps
My Father crushes him with the flare of His eyes
Then they gaze on me
He sees everything
“There is nothing left, how can you see so much?”
“Here is everything.” He says
I am in His arms
At rest.
Calm.
Quiet.
Content.
After eternity, I open my eyes
I am clothed in white.
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