I musn’t have the expectation to control or over-power the environment, circumstances or people around me. I must require control of and power over myself; physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc. There may be more and more accurate structuring of these, but to know and understand their function, potential, limitation, and the like, will expand my ability to fulfill and enjoy this requirement.
Decision: How Will I Respond to the World?
2009Oct31 at 1016 (Conversations in my Head, Personal Life, Statements, Thinkables)
Tags: ability, circumstances, control, decision, emotionally, enjoy, environment, expansion, expectations, fulfillment, function, knowledge, limitation, made for myself, mentally, people, physically, potential, power, requirements, response, spiritually, structuring, understanding, world
Unfinished Things
2009Oct10 at 1020 (Personal Life, Poetry)
Tags: beyond, branch, closure, connection, dead, existance, fullness, healing, hear, heavy, humility, life, limp, relationship, remaining, remember, resolution, sadness, severed, sight, source, strength, time, tree of life, understanding, unfinished, weight, world
There are unfinished things
That must go beyond this world
Like relationships without closure, without resolution
Like a dead branch
Severed by a crack
Hanging limp from the tree of life
Not falling, not leaving
Because its source of life still exists in the world
But there is no longer a connection
And there was no healing, no understanding, no humility
Until it was too late
Occasionally now,
The creaking of its dead fibers
Reach my ears and draw my eyes to the memories of its fullness and strength
But its weight still hangs
Heavy and limp with sadness
Reminding me then,
There are unfinished things
The Power of the “Good” Still Enrages and Terrifies…
2009Mar22 at 0301 (Community, Gatherings, Personal Life, Poetry, Thinkables)
Tags: ambition, anger, arms, belief, belligerent, best, care, change, conclusion, confidence, darkness, death, expectations, force, forget, God, growth, heart, help, influence, jealousy, judgment, knowledge, language, leadership, love, meanings, peace, power, pretend, relate, seek, separation, should, silence, submission, talk, Teacher, terrified, The Cause, together, truth, understanding, walk, want, why?, words, world
I get angry when I’m not a part of making the conclusion,
When its given to me
Pasted on
And expected that I will comply
But why?
Do I know them?
Do I care?
I just look at them and stare
Good for you
What you say is true
But don’t flounder it like its your cause
Don’t force me join you
When you don’t know me
When you forget my name
When you…
Why am I so angry?
Why am I so belligerent?
They push beyond what’s given them
To a world beyond
To a world that doesn’t understand them
To a world that speaks another tongue
And I understand them
But I choose not to submit
Who am I to judge what God has given?
Who am I to draw the lines?
They pretend power
They just want to help.
Who am I to believe I know?
Who am I to judge?
So go along with the flow
It’s good, it’s good
You really, truly should
We all want the best
The best for all
So we spread our influence
Our knowledge of what is best for all.
None of us can lead.
Except to death and darkness below
Unless we walk together
Side by side
Each one’s influence ends at the reach of their arms
And only the truth can take it further (through the arms of another, and another, and another)
Live in peace
Destroy ambitions and jealousies,
Seek truth with those around you
Relate to truth through the voices of your neighbors and friends
Move slowly and only in confidence and peace
Understand the meanings of silence
The words of the heart–the words that our own attempt to relate–
I speak these to myself
I can’t press on anyone else
God teach us to walk, to talk and to love in both
I am so terrified of the world around me
How can they care when they do not know
The good hearts that believe they know
That seek to influence, to change, to grow
Chaos at Hand
2009Feb24 at 0230 (Community, Conversations in my Head, Gatherings, Heart Thoughts, Personal Life, Poetry, Thinkables)
Tags: arms, battles, bind, blind, blood, called, ceiling, chaos, claim, clean, command, damp, darkness, desire, die, dirty, distinguish, domination, doom, dry, evil, face, feelings, fighting, flatter, flesh, floor, food, free, freedom, gavel, God, hands, hear, heart, hell, hold, honest, humiliation, ignorance, judgment, kitchen, lies, lives, Lord?, man, master, matter, name, one another, others, pan, passion, past, peace, pitiful, plea, please, pleasure, point, pot, pressure, pride, prize, race, reach, refuse, relate, relationship, rest, return, save, sea, shame, sight, sky, sounds, speak, sweat, terrified, thought, throat, truth, understanding, validate, wait, walls, waste, weight, what?, where?, why?, willingness, win, words, yell
Chaos swirling rapidly around
So many lives, so many sounds
The kitchen’s dirty, dark and damp
The master’s calling for food
But I can’t see.
I could.
I used to distinguish from pot and pan;
The dirty and clean;
The ceiling and floor.
But not any more.
Now I feel,
I feel for real.
I see there are so many lies.
Now I see,
I see the sea.
And my hands reach up for the skies.
Freedom, freedom calls my name
The truth will set you free.
Bind the evil,
Kick it out!
And then please hear my plea
And then please speak with me.
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
Peace, peace, peace, be still
The words come from a dry, croaking throat
Evil has won
But your saving us, son
Live in hell so that we may die
In our pitiful, passionate pleasures
I’m fighting, yes! But what for?!
I’m living, yes! But what for?!
But what for?! But. What. For?!
And why?
…It doesn’t matter now, it seems
The passing has already come
I’m truly flattered now, it seems
…no!
I refuse.
I will not hold up your face any more
I will not validate your lies.
You are just a man like me…
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
I have been humiliated
Entirely so
And yes, I feel it too,
The pressure to race, to win, to hold
From others as well as my own.
But when: to rest, to wait, to hold
One another instead of a prize,
In honest, willing thoughtfulness
Not dominant, prurient pride.
Where is the peace, my Lord?
Where is the desire to understand?
Where is the ignorance slight,
And thoughtfulness true?
Where are the battles finally won?
In your arms I’ll rest, my Lord
But to return to the darkness?
Truly Lord, what lies in the wastes?
The flesh and blood, claimed by One
Who dooms to ignorant fate.
And the hearts of some, claimed by One
Who choose to wait and relate.
Still, the darkness weighs heavily
The master’s voice yells again
But only so long as to give commands
And next the judge comes in.
The master points,
I feel ashamed
Then terrified as the gavel is raised
Over his head,
It weighs so much
He sweats but his eyes are blind
Then he lets it fall onto my chest
And my doomed life spatters
Over them and the walls
And finally, I am at rest.
My Queen of Wisdom
2009Jan14 at 0121 (Heart's Land, Personal Life)
Tags: arms, confidence, contemplation, daily, grace, heart, peace, pure, queen, relax, rest, sacred, security, surroundings, truth, understanding, willingness, wisdom
Contemplation. I seek to do it in a place without change, in a place held sacred; where I can leave my immediate surroundings and trust the security they have always offered; where I can relax completely, to dwell on the truth and come to an understanding in the abundance of peace.
Her arms are sacred, constant and strong. Her peaceful heart is true and pure. Her willing wisdom leads me to confidence in truth and grace. In her arms I will find rest and contemplate each day.
From Fear to Relationship
2009Jan5 at 0108 (Community, Conversations in my Head, Theology?, Thinkables)
Tags: answers, confidence, contact, fear, humility, knowledge, peace, questions, receive, relationship, understanding
Fear comes from things that you don’t understand
Which, if responded to in humility, leads to questions
Which, if they are received, leads to answers
Which, if received and understood, lead to peace and confidence in knowledge and understanding
Which, if contact is continued, forms and binds a relationship.
In my Defense
2008Dec15 at 1259 (Conversations in my Head, Personal Life)
Tags: belief, defense, life, systematic explanation, testimony, understanding
I do not have a systematic explanation for my understanding, but I do have a life and it is a testimony to all that I have come to believe.
After a Debate Between Hypothetical Opinions
2008Dec15 at 1249 (Conversations in my Head, Personal Life)
Tags: debating hypothetical opinions, gift, humility, judgment, mercy, pride, receive, understanding
“But is it easier apply judgment or give mercy? I am trying to make the giving of mercy understandable.”
“Mercy is only a gift to the humble.”
“True, because only the humble will see it as such. All the more, because of this, we should always give mercy, rather than grow prideful in our judgment–no longer allowing the reception of mercy ourselves.”
The Beauty of a Name; having…
2008Dec15 at 1227 (Personal Life, Thinkables)
Tags: beauty, called, have, humility, information, knowledge, labels, true, understanding, useful
…a relationship in which you’re called a name that is true and full of knowledge and understanding, rather than a label which is only spoken in the passing of raw information to aid in giving people what they want–something that people look at and think no further than, ‘Oh, that’s useful.’
I despise labels! Neither do they require humility, nor do justice to knowledge and understanding.
Concering the Possible Endeavor “Guide Wars to Peace”
2008Aug30 at 0815 (Personal Life)
Tags: generals, impartiality, nationality, sympathy, understanding, will of God
Not as a general (of any particular persons on earth) because he cannot sacrifice his nationality or men, but as one who can speak to all with understanding and sympathy and still work only towards the will of God, with complete impartiality.
